Friday, April 22, 2011

Winning!!? Not so much.

I started to notice something about myself recently that I am a little ashamed of.  Well, no, scratch that, I'm not ashamed of anything.  I am just a tiny bit weirded out about how much time and effort I put into worrying about and trying to one up other moms.  I hope all moms do it!

In my world, my baby and everything associated with him, is in direct competition with other babies his age.  It goes a little something like this....

Your baby sleeps through the night?  Oh, well my baby prefers to wake up every 4 hours to exercise his brain.  He is choosing to be ultra smart and that can only be accomplished through brain stimulation every 3-4 hours.  Sleep interferes with that, but I would rather have a super intelligent child down the road than a full nights sleep now.

Your baby doesn't cry when you put him down?  Oh, well my baby likes me the best so he cries whenever someone else is with him.  It's like this ultra awesome bond that we have with each other that no one else can break.  We're cosmically connected and this connection will really come in handy during his teenage years.

Your baby sits up all by himself?  Oh, well my baby chooses not to sit up yet because he doesn't want to strain his back and neck muscles and have years of chiropractic appointments ahead of him.

Your baby is starting to crawl?  Oh, well my baby prefers to perfect one thing at a time.  He would rather bet he best at something and then move on to the next thing, as opposed to just being ok at something.  Like your kid is just ok at crawling, while my kid is AMAZING at rolling over. 

Your baby's teeth have come all the way in?  Oh, well my baby doesn't want to force his body to do anything.  He is more in tune with what his needs are emotionally and therefore doesn't need things like teeth to make him feel good about himself.  His teeth are choosing to take their time and we're ok with that.

As you can see my baby is choosing the road less travelled.  He goes to the beat of his own drum and does stuff in his own time in his own way.  And, it drives me nuts.  Its so hard to have the winning baby when you have to make weird shit up about how cool it is that your baby isn't doing all the awesome stuff that someone elses baby is doing!!!!

Happy Easter, friends.


  1. ROFLMAO Effing hilarious Sarah. You freaking kill me!

  2. Your baby is perfect just the way he is. Who gives a shit what those other babies are doing, Joey is still going to be the best, how couldn't he with a mom like you. I love you and all your neurotic thoughts. Wish I could be there to see the little nugget grow.