Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hallelujah Praise Jesus

With the mind bending exhaustion of a teething baby with acid reflux, I have failed to mention a HUGE milestone in our household.

Please, let me be the first to sing from a mountain top, my child, Joseph, is........wait for it.....SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.  I shit you not.

I would also like to announce that this miraculous turn of events is totally all because of me (Duh).  I became a militant mommy one night and after a 12 am feeding, and I did the unthinkable, I put him back in his crib.  Shocking, I know.  Not so much to the average person, but for us, this was as foreign a concept as the Chinese stock market.  I don't know what we thought would happen to him if we put him back in there.  I go right to the, I think he will stop breathing and die thing....but really, the worst that could have happened is we would have been met with the haunting face of sad panda and a fountain of tears, which is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. 

So, that one night, after his midnight feeding, I put that sucker back in his crib and walked away.  I walked away!!!  I was so exhausted and so over our current 4-5 times a night wake up that I didn't care anymore.  He was going to lay in that damn crib and he was going to go to sleep.  He probably blinked for a while and most likely had a few things to say (he's very talkative).  But he didn't cry and he eventually went to sleep.  It was bedtime and thats where he stayed.

He has been sleeping through the night ever since.

Now our schedule is 9 or 9:30 bedtime and 5 am wake up.  Happy HAPPY parent panda bears.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hell? Yeah, I've been there.

I, Sarah, attended my first session of burn your face off, seventh dimension of hell, 90 minute, hotter than hot yoga last night.  This session, and my recent purchase of a treadmill, mark the beginning of my quest to burn, run, sweat, and hopefully cut the baby weight right off my body.  I figure, Joey is no longer living in my body, so it shouldn't look like he is.  I remember looking at my mom (who went with me) during our 90 minute sweat session, with this sense of helplessness (and please save me because I am for sure dying) and admiring her for producing not one, but two children.  I NEVER want to go through this baby weight thing again, EVER, and I have a new found respect for those who do it more than once.

I don't know if I imagined that the 600 ice cream sandwiches, 26 thousand cheeseburgers and kazillion donuts would just melt off my body after Joey was born, or what.  But I was clearly smoking a bunch of drugs as I consumed all of those things without a single thought to what I would do with myself and the 60 pounds I put on during my pregnancy after he was born.  I was out of my mind crazy.  And now I am here with 20 pounds to lose to get back to "pre-pregnancy."  Ugh, barf. 

In a purely sadistic and douchey thought of "hahaha," as I was suffering through this yoga b.s., Rick was having a grand ole time with our teething child.  The text I received while I was in the alternate dimension read; "Get bread and creamer please, and a baby that isn't an asshole."  Rick and I were both suffering and, I think, appropriately so.

Monday, March 28, 2011

BIG happenings this weekend!!

We have a tooth people.  This is it...

(horrible picture - bottom right side, his left, our right)...currently its a tiny little pokey speckle of a mother effer, but that thing is here!  Explains sooooooo much.  And makes me a little apologetic for actually thinking my child was possessed by the devil.  But, for those of you who have been through the teething process, I'm sure you can agree and sympathize. 

And, we wouldn't be so awesome if we just accomplished one big thing at a time, so we did two big things this weekend....we are all officially rolling over.  Rick and Phoebe included.  Its funny too, once he did it, it was like he's been doing it for years.  You would turn your head, look back at him, and he was on his tummy.  Such a genius this boy. 

With this new accomplishment comes the realization that Joey will be mobile any day now and its only a matter of time before everything in my house is broken, and/or wrapped in bubble wrap.  He gets on his tummy and those legs start kicking and you know he just can't wait to get crawling.  I joke about making Joey wear a helmet, but I'm totally not kidding.  I was tragically accident prone as a child and Joey is tragically gangley...those two elements are a recipe for disaster. 

He's already growing up too fast, I miss his tiny little baby body.  He's a big boy (literally and figuratively) and while I love all these accomplishments, I can't believe how fast its all happening.   One day he's fresh out the oven and the next he has teeth and rolls thing you know he'll be stealing my car and bringing a girl over for me to meet.  I will be having a serious love affair with vodka at that point. 

So, I will leave you with remembrance....the tiny burrito....

Friday, March 25, 2011

Well Child aka confirmation of Monsterness

We had the joy of our 4 month Well Child exam.  It was actually kind of a joy because the nurse and doctor haven't seen him since he was 2 months old and its always fun to see people's reactions after they haven't seen Joey in a while.  They, like everyone, were shocked at his size and absolutely adored him.  The nurse only has granddaughters and said she would love a grandson to cuddle....I told her she could totally borrow him between the hours of 8 at night and 6 in the morning. 

I promise I will stop trying to give my son away at some point, and I am only kidding....halfway, she could totally borrow him, just not overnight. 

We learned a few things, one, he is normal....well kind of.  He is in the 98th percentile for height (not shocked), and normal weight, 70th percentile.  His package looks good, the doctor even remarked about its awesomeness (I'm totally not kidding).  He is developing as he should and couldn't really tell us if he was teething or not.  He informed us all about vaccines and went on a tangent about Polio.  At that point I had checked out because Joey was trying to rip his diaper off and was testing his vocal chords.

We ended the exam with a new prescription for acid reflux that hopefully won't cause diarrhea.  Apparently its the real deal because the pharmacist has to "compound" it and it won't be ready till Monday.  Don't know what that means, but it sounds pretty legit.  So, hopefully it works.  Dr. said he used the same meds on his son and after the second day of him being on it, him and his wife sat on the couch together and exhaled a sigh of relief...he promised me the same sigh.  I will show up at his house and make him pay up if that sigh doesn't happen. 

What really made my day was the doctor sort of asking for Joey to stay his patient.  We saw this doctor today and the time before because Joey's regular pediatrician was all booked.  Its so amazing to see this doctor totally take interest in Joey and have him reassure me a million times that I am doing great and we are great parents and Joey is normal.  So, I think we will stick with this doctor.  He is technically a family practice doc so I think this is the rare infant that comes through his door.  But, he has two small sons of his own and seems to really enjoy mine, even calls him "pumpkin," so I think he's earned a spot in our lives permanently.  Oh, and he's hot.  Rick agrees, so we're all good.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Monster Man

I am beginning to think I am making my child sound like a monster...this is why....

This is the face that haunts me each and every day.  I put him down and this is what happens, I think even for a second about doing something for myself, without him, and this is how he reacts. 

I understand this might be the product of my own overindulgence.  But, is it even possible for a 4 month old to manipulate me this badly?  Am I that big of a sucker!?

Hi, my name is Sarah, and my child has me wrapped around his finger. 

Now that we've accepted this, what are we going to do to fix it?  The obvious is the "cry it out," or Ferber method.  Not my favorite.  There have been dozens of studies and tons of research to support that this method is bullshit.  And, could potentially cause more harm than good.  See..this, or this

Then there are women like Erica Jong who liken "attachment parenting," to prison.  Even going as far as to say attachment parenting has vicitimized women.  While I think she is a little extreme in her analysis, I get what she is saying, mostly because I am living it.  I feel like I can't do anything without my child and, in a sense, I am imprisoned by him and his needs.  And, quite frankly, this is not healthy for him or me.

So the Armon/Callahan household is at a crossroads.  We are losing our minds trying to figure out what is going on with this little boy.  We have thought of growth spurts, teething, hunger, tummy aches, reflux, exhaustion and overstimulation....but maybe the problem is he has figured us out, has our number on speed dial and is using it to his advantage.  Maybe there is a happy medium between the (ugh) cry it out camp, and the wear your baby 24/7 attachment parenting camp. 

NOW, I'm not saying we will let him go bat shit crazy and cry his face off for an hour, but maybe we actually are giving in too much to avoid hearing the God awful noise of a babys cry.  Maybe he does need to learn we wont jump at every noise....or maybe we'll just start handing him random stuff to see what he does...this bowl seemed to work...

P.S. This is and EXCELLENT base reference to why I will not let my baby "cry it out."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My misconceptions about babies and motherhood

You will love your baby 100% of the time the most you could ever love something, EVER.  Not true, folks, NOT TRUE.  Rick and I often joke of punting Joey off the balcony or mailing him away or sending him to an orphanage.  Let’s get real people, your baby sucks sometimes.  Mine sucks a lot.  He produces liquid in mass quantities from various sites on his body, screams and wants to play at 2:30 am and has acid reflux and heartburn like an 80 year old man.  He, for lack of a better word, sucks.  Obviously not all the time, or we really would punt him like a football, but a lot of times I want to rip my face off and cut my body up into tiny pieces in hopes he will find it amusing and stop making noise.

Another thought I had going into motherhood was the existence of this super awesome "new baby smell."  From what I understood, babies were supposed to smell nice.  Like heaven or apple pie...something marvelous.  My baby smells like vomit and sour milk.  All the time.  Don't believe me?  Smell his hands, I dare you.  Sometimes there is even the lovely smell of urine and hot squishy poop.  I don't know if I got jipped, and my baby is the only baby that has never really had a good smell to him, or if this is what all babies smell like, and the whole new baby smell thing is a joke.  Are you all laughing at me?  Did you know there was no such thing....?  And, for those of you who are thinking the obvious, "do you ever try giving him a bath?"  Yes, we bathe him, often.  He is just a stinky child....he gets it from his father, I assume. 

I also love the "I will never do (this)" thoughts that used to go through my head....I will never change my baby on a public bathroom floor, I will never leave my kid alone in his room to yell and talk with himself while I go back to bed, I will never turn the music up in the car to drown out his screams from the backseat, I will never let him suck on a binky after its been on the floor, I will never give my kid formula, I will never let my kid sleep with me, I will never let my baby wear a pukey/spit up on onesie (have you ever tried to get a onesie off a baby with a big head? My child has a big head, unless there is poop or pee on that thing, its staying on). 

Everything I thought about babies, everything I thought I would and would not do has completely gone out the window.  Joey wins, we lose.  He's right, we're wrong.  Just when we think we've mastered him, he completely changes the game.  He is the most complex little creature in existence and as much as I hate to admit it, it's my fault.  It's his father's fault he's smelly, but totally my fault that he's complex and multidimensional.  He is MY child after all.

Google search: "why does my baby not sleep through the night?"

Google has become my best friend and my worst enemy these last couple months.  I google everything.  Mostly to try and figure out why the hell I have a monster baby and what his problem is.  This morning my google search was "why does my baby not sleep through the night?"  Yesterday my google search was "how do you know if your baby is lactose intolerant?"  Previous searches have been all across the board, some about baby ADHD and retardation, some about what foods babies like, why babies cry, what color poop should my baby have, is my baby teething, is my baby get the picture. 

Me and google, we're tight.  But, what I am starting to realize is google is garbage.  The only real answer you get is, every baby is different blah blah blah.  And then you want to reach through the computer screen and punch the mom who writes about her baby sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old and how she lost all her baby weight immediately.  Who the hell is this lady and why does she post shit like this.  I hate you lady, I hate you, and I hate google. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Well, it looks like Joey's reflux is here to stay. 

I knew it wouldn't be as easy as just giving him the medicine and presto chango we have a sweet baby boy again.  No, nothing can be that easy for the Armondo/Callahan clan.  Joey had severe tummy issues with the medicine, so we very promptly stopped giving it to him.  It got to the point where he was coming home in other kids clothes because he had had explosive diarrhea 4 times in a day and "blown" through all this extra outfits. 

So, we have a Well Child appointment on Friday and will discuss other options then.  Ricks mom mentioned something about the boys being sensitive to lactose when they were babies so I might check into that.  Seems like a logical answer, actually. 

Our battle continues and we continue to loathe bed time.  Hopefully and end is in sight and we find something that actually helps Joe. 

I am a better mommy when I miss the Joey

When I first had Joey I thought to myself, how am I ever going to leave him.  How will I ever be able to let him go for an entire day.  I now blame that thinking on hormones. 

I LOVE going to work everyday.  Love it.  And if that makes me a bad mom in your eyes, then so be it.  I however, think it makes me a better mom.  By taking myself away from everything baby, I enable my battery to recharge and my Joey love tank to be refilled.  I miss him so much at work and I LOVE coming home to him.  I can't say I would be as enthused with him if I had to spend all day, every day with him.  And, I am not going to feel bad about that.  Knowing myself as well as I do, I know I need to feel like I've used my brain at least a dozen times a day, or even talked to at least 5 grown ups in a 24 hour period.  If I didn't go to work and do that I would be miserable, and a horrible and bitter mommy. 

Plus, I know Joey has already gained so much from daycare.  I don't quite understand the stigma that comes with putting your child in daycare, and I can't even begin to try and understand it, but I see the looks, I know what you're thinking.  Daycare....ewww.  Joey loves daycare though, so suck it.  Much to my dismay, he has girlfriends that wave to him every night and say "bye Joey."  He gets to be around a learn from children all day...thats something I can't give to him unless I (yikes) have more kids.  And, we won't even get started on that scary road.

Long story short.  I think stay at home moms are saints.  I think moms who go to work are also saints.  You do what you got to do to make your family work.  And what makes our family work is mommy and daddy working, and the bubbaritto in daycare with his girlfriends. 

Monday, March 21, 2011

Parents are Complete Psychos

Rick and I found ourselves in this very weird dimension of sleep deprivation this weekend.  The place where you realize sleep is something of the past and 2:30 am is the new 8 am.  You turn the lights on and you lay on the floor with your noisy playful infant and pray he shuts up and goes to sleep. 

You are now a complete psycho.  You find yourself thinking of creative ways to get your child to shut up (including selling him to a nice deserving family) or making a list of chores you need to get done, or even planning out your weekends for the next month.  You look at the clock and get angrier and angrier as the time slowly turns to dawn. 

Its so incredibly hard to describe your headspace at 4 am after a night of little to no sleep.  You are convinced God is punishing you and your child is possessed by the devil. 
Then the sun comes up, your significant other relieves you, and you get to sleep.  And then your super psycho self almost, for a brief second, forgets the torture  you endured for 10 hours.  This must be caused by the same chemical reaction that happens right after a woman gives birth.  You love your child again, and he's cute and precious...that little demon has won your heart again with just a little smile. 

Its completely bizarre.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


My mother (I think we are starting to see a trend here), called me overprotective yesterday.  What!  Me?!  Its never a word I would have thought would describe my parenting.  But, its weird, I find myself having these internal battles that I never imagined would be so difficult for me. 

I was called this word after informing her that Joey had just been prescribed something and explaining that I didn't quite feel comfortable letting our daycare lady administer the medicine.  I also may or may not have hinted that I didn't quite feel comfortable medicating him in the first place.  Is that weird!?  It may be weird considering I take aspirin and a variety of other medications whenever something ails me.  So why not for my child, why am I being a weirdo, or (gasp!) overprotective about it?!  And, why can't the daycare lady administer it?  She is licensed, highly qualified, and has been doing this for a long time.  I don't think its out of her range of expertise to put 1 ml of liquid in my kids mouth. 

For me, what it comes down to is, I'm his mom.  No one knows my kid better than I do, and no one cares about my kid more than I do.  If it doesn't disrupt my life in the slightest to administer his meds, why not do it.  If I want to question the necessity of medications, I am well within the normal guidelines of parenting to do so.  It does not make me overprotective, it makes me empowered.  I am not going to sit here and have some doctor tell me what I should and should not do.  I will research for myself and make an informed decision based on what I think is right for my child and my family.  That is called being proactive, NOT overprotective.

I will say, though, I did end up giving Joe the meds.  This is for his acid reflux. I tried to find another way to alieviate his pain.  Unfortunately the only option is a full diet of solid foods, go figure!  Haha so hopefully with time, and progression in the solid food department, we will rid ourselves of this medication and the acid reflux! 

We'll see what happens.  And, for the record, if I haven't made it clear enough, I'm not overprotective.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Mayonnaise, Syrup, PEAS!

Mmmmm solid foods. Me vs. the world, everyone in my world that is.

The way my mom has approached it, I think she will only be satisfied when she sees Joey chewing on a french fry or face first into a tub of mayonnaise. Case in point, her dipping her finger in chicken salad, aka mayonnaise, and giving him a taste. To make matters worse, Rick, darling, dipped his finger in SYRUP this Sunday to give Joey a taste.

Ok, I don't want to be the crunchy granola mother that only allows her kid to eat farm raised, lullaby sung, pet 5 times a day clockwise food, but common, mayonnaise and syrup!!

Learning to take control of situations like this is hard. I have Rick sneaking straight sugar to him on a random Sunday morning, and my mom not so sneakily shoving mayonnaise in his mouth.

Rick and I have spoken and we have decided, as parents to begin our solid food journey with vegetables. Like it or not, that is what we have decided. So, last night was peas, he had green beans last week and LOVED them, but let me tell you, Joey is just like his momma...peas went over like a fart in church.

I like that Rick and I are discussing these things as parents and moving forward in a way that we both agree. I wanted to murder him after the syrup thing but I am happy, in a way, that it happened because we were able to talk about why I didn't like that and what we would do from now on.

I don't know how we are going to tackle my mother though....

Monday, March 14, 2011

The 4 Month Mark

Well, we've done it.  We have made it to the 4 month mark.  We carried, birthed and have kept this little being alive.  Now what!?  I think its about this time that the novelty wears off, and everyone gets it, you're parents.  No more presents filtering in, way less visitors, and quite frankly, no one cares if you are considering solid foods, or what kind of poop your child had this morning.  You are a completely different person and find yourself feeling badly for speaking only of your kid...but what else do you have to talk about when your Friday night consists of tummy time and spit up!

Hopefully this blog will be a good outlet for Rick, and myself.  We will update in writing what is going on in our lives, and hopefully then we will feel the need to speak less about it to our friends.  And maybe that will end in us keeping the friends we have and not completely alientating ourselves.  Fingers crossed.

Welcome to our new life, we're 4 months in and loving every second of it.