Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Cosmos bitch slap

Do you ever do that thing where you drown out all the noise around you, look around, and wonder how in the world it is you got to be where you are?!  Or, rather, simply take notice of what is going on around you.  

I had such a moment the other day.  Two actually.

It was a random night after work.  Joey was probably licking something weird or torturing Phoebe, and Rick and I were sitting in the living room staring blankly at the tv.  And I stopped and took notice of everything around me and I honestly can't believe where I am.  I have a loving partner (not fiancé, and he doesn't like the word boyfriend, so we go with partner...its an issue) that I never thought I would have, or deserved, and an almost 1 year old who, as of yesterday can say mama, and who is so so close to walking.  How in the world did this happen!?  I have an almost 1 year old!!  This time last year I was very pregnant, we had just had Joey's baby shower and I was consuming 2 Big Mac meals at dinner time.  Sorry Joey, you are made of Diet Pepsi and Big Macs.  Now we are sitting together as a family watching Joey destroy, laugh, play, torture and baby babble.  It was one of those moments where you become so aware and thankful for what you have and it felt good.

My next moment came at 3 in the morning and it didn't feel so good.

Joey's breathing decided it wanted to torture me at 3 a.m., by way of baby monitor.  The damn thing is voice activated and must have been going off for close to 2 hours with the sounds of him breathing and snoring.  I finally had to scream at Rick to turn it off.  Which he did, and then promptly fell back asleep, and I of course just laid there.  And, as I stared blankly at the dark ceiling and listened to the sound of both my boys breathing and snoring, and Phoebe of course was annoying the crap out of me too, I thought to myself "how in the hell did I get here."  Who's baby wakes them up with snoring and breathing and who the hell can sleep through this crap (Rick!). 

That moment did not leave me with the same feeling the first did.  So, with that, we have decided to go to the doctor to try and see what's wrong with Joey.  In a weird way I think that 3 a.m. moment was the cosmos way of slapping me right in the face and telling me what I needed to do. 

So we go, October 5th at 9 and 11 am.  2 appointments, 2 x-rays and no eating 3 hours before the first appointment.  Lord help me.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Thankful

We are starting to wind down. 

Our adventures are coming to a close and how about that weather already reminding us that summer is as good as over!?  I am interested to see what the fall will bring us.  Our tiny tot will be a year old soon (even as I typed that I got tears in my eyes) and that in and of itself opens us up to endless possibilities.  And, lets also take note of the unassisted standing that now takes place.  Walking will be a grand adventure.  I don't anticipate the road to running being that far away from walking. 

The fall should be fun...

This last week I am thankful for.....

1.  The support we have from family.  With their help, Rick and I were able to have a 2 day adventure to the coast.  Joey was well taken care of and Rick and I spent some time in nature with people we love.

2.  My cuddle bug.  Joe's cuddles have become longer and deeper and I like to think he loves cuddling me best.  I love the feeling of him rubbing his tiny face on my clothes and snuggling in for some love.

3.  Rick.  Always.  Sometimes not as much, but this week yes!

4.  Our recent journey of choosing a life for us and making decisions for us.  I instantly felt the shift and its been amazing.  The amount of stress you can put on yourself trying to please everyone around you is incredible.  We are choosing to put ourselves first, and so far, so good

5.  Future.  I know the future is always in front of us, but ours is starting to take shape.  And it is really exciting to think of endless possibilities that lie in our future. 

My Fall resolution is to start taking more photos.  It goes without saying that this probably means a new camera is in our horizon... So, be prepared for a lot more photo fun from this clan!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Bye bye troll lady

I am getting more and more excited about starting our new daycare in November.  This is fueled not only by my daycare lady's constant obsurd comments like "I've never had one like him before," (in reference to Joey screaming when he doesn't get his way), but I can also see his immediate need and desire for structure and discipline. 

We've reached the age where, yes daycare lady all kids do this, Joey screams and cries when he doesn't get his way.  He will reach for something that could hurt him, I take it out of his reach, and he goes bananas.  He wants to be held and will sit at my feet crying because I'm making dinner and can't hold him and make him dinner at the same time. 

I know every kid does this, and Joey might be doing it a bit sooner and maybe a little louder than most kids, but this is the point in his life where we could go one of two ways.  We could cater to this kind of behavior and pick him up or try and coddle him and give him what he wants, or we can be stern and say "NO!" and let him scream. 

Our daycare lady picks him up and then complains about having to carry him around all day.  I tell her everytime not to do this and every day when I get there, there he is, in her arms.  I could seriously slap her.

I, obviously, prefer to not give in to this behavior.  He needs to learn that no means no and screaming and crying will not get a response out me.  I know his new daycare will be the same way.  They simply don't have the manpower to be carrying around every kid that is crying because he didn't get his way. 

Its hard leaving your kid with someone for a majority of the day and its a kabillion times harder when that person refuses to listen to our wishes and just tries to quiet our kid instead of motivating him to do other things. 

I swear, if that trollesque daycare lady says one more effed up comment about my kid's behavior, I just might slap her.  He wouldn't be screaming if you WOULD GET OFF THE PHONE AND PLAY WITH HIM!!!! 

Grrrr


I'm sure Phoebe would love to be Joey's new babysitter.
She would probably be better at it too.

Look! Joey's in a bag.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Remember....

Remember when I said I was breaking up with our pediatrician?  Well, he has managed to creep his way back into our lives and officially freak me out.  Funny how they always manage to do that to you!?  They must teach some bullshit class in med school called "make parents feel like shit for thinking for themselves," or "how to make new parents shit their pants."

Whatever.

We get a call from Dr. Richter last night saying he has consulted a number of other pediatricians in the area about Joe's squeak.  I was actually kind of surprised because he told us he was going to do this at Joe's last well child appointment which was on August 4th and it's now mid September.  So I thought he had totally disregarded us.  Apparently not; Dr. Richter has a new theory. 

Esophageal Diverticulum.

What this is is basically an open pocket in your esophagus.  This pocket collects fluid and food and makes it difficult to breath or makes it irritated and swollen which in turn creates a squeaking noise in your throat.  This pocket can also cause regurgitation and choking issues. 

Hmmm...ok...fine.  But while googling the crap out of this I noticed a few red flags.  1.  This is VERY rare in infants and is usually found in middle aged and older people.  Its something that develops as opposed to being something you are born with.  2.  There are a kabillion other symptoms associated with this condition that have no relevance to Joe, like chronic coughing, weight loss, chest pain, halitosis (weird), pneumonia and a bunch of other things.  I get that Joe's diet isn't too advanced yet so this condition might not have had a proper chance of developing these symptoms, but still. 

To diagnose this Joey would have to drink a barium solution and have his throat x-rayed to see if there are any glowing pockets.  Right there there are 2 things I am sketched out about.  Some solution that makes your insides glow and an x-ray straight to his tiny baby throat. 

Then what?

If he does in fact have this, the most sought after treatment is surgery.  Guess how I feel about that!

So what to do....I already feel like shit for questioning this man's 3rd attempt at a diagnosis, when I absolutely should not.  I don't really think this is what he has...wouldn't the Dr. at Childrens have been able to see a pocket in his FREAKING ESOPHAGUS when he shoved the camera down this throat?!  Is having glowy insides and radiation straight to your throat worth a diagnosis?  A diagnosis that might further make me feel like shit because I will absolutely NOT want him to have surgery....

I wish he could tell me what he wants to do...


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Yay! We're so annoying!

Even while our casa is smack dab in the middle of "busy season," that hasn't stopped non stop development from the Joe.  Development that is really really annoying....like really really really annoying....










Doing the dishes and putting the tupperware away has become quite the task.  I think right now we're averaging at least 4 complete rip outs.  Every bowl, lid and container gets ripped out of the cupboard and thrown at least 4 times.  Doing dishes sucks.

Also...eating has now become a balancing act...or an act of perception and a detailed geometric equation as you try and place your meal somewhere in your arms/hands or somewhere on the couch, or if you're really tricky, you try placing it in the exact spot the tip of Joey's fingers don't reach.  You can imagine how hard that is. 


Probably the best thing he's learned how to do recently is drink out of a straw.  I mean, common, how smart is that.  A straw drinker outer at the ripe old age of 10 months....you can't even practice that, you either are a genius and know how to, or you don't.

Small Writing:  If your 10 month old also drinks out of a straw, I don't need to know about it.  Let me think my kid is a genius, please. Thank you.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It was bound to happen

I've been absent, I know, I apologize.  To be quite honest we've been so incredibly busy and I've been so spread thin that blogging just hasn't seemed fun lately.  I'm hoping to change that, and a few other things, starting today!! 

Some big changes are headed to the Armon/Callahan household.  Changes that should have been made a long time ago, but needed something big to jump start the process.  That something big has happened and we are full steam ahead into the world of change. 

We are taking control, finally, and as a family. 

When I first met Rick I was completely shocked by the stories of his childhood and growing up for part of it on a sailboat.  I listened in complete and utter shock as him and his dad retold stories from the Mystic days.  How could his parents do that!?  And, wow they are a bunch of freaks.  

I was shocked because I was so used to my parents measurement of success.  Success to them equals a BMW in the driveway and trips to Mexico every other year.  Success to them is measurable by the amount of stuff you have, not the amount of love and support or experiences together as a family.  I've never met a family with so much love and to my parents they are not "successful."

I find myself now being completely envious of his childhood.  A childhood I would give everything to call my own, a childhood that Rick wouldn't give up for anything.

Having Joe has changed so much of me, probably every part of me is in one way or another different.  I think of him and I think of how I grew up and I want something better for him.  So, while I've been scared to let go of thoughts that have been ingrained in me since childhood, we are now on a new mission. 

Our family will not measure our success by the balance of our bank account.  Our family will not allow ourselves to be surrounded by people who are cruel and evil just because they are part of our extended family.  We will not give in to how other people measure success or happiness.  We will put ourselves first and we will do what we feel is best for us, regardless of what anyone else thinks.  We are eliminating the toxicity from our lives and we don't give a shit what anyone has to say about it.  

We may never have a BMW in our driveway, but our kid will have all the love in the world and will be surrounded by genuine people who love life.  Our son deserves better and as a parent its my job to give him that.