Sunday, April 10, 2011

Creepy Sunday

Our DVD player broke.  To any other normal family this would be no big deal.  For us, it was a fiasco.  A three and a half hour trip that we dubbed "creepy Sunday." 

I take most the responsibility for this mishap, only because I am the Jewiest person on Earth.  Love me a sale, and HATE paying a lot of money for stuff.  So, we go to Value Village in search of a DVD player.  First Value Village (yes we went to more than one), no luck.  Rick demands a remote.  Of course he demands a remote.  Because he likes to be as difficult as possible and weird about the weirdest stuff.  That mixed with my extra Jewy behavior, makes most tasks that involve buying things virtually impossible.

So, on to the next place. 

We pull up and notice this odd little "marketplace."  Hey, we like marketplaces, so we enter.  We must have entered a freak convention, a marketplace of the weirdest people and oddities on planet Earth.  No problem, we are kinda weird, so we proceed.  After about a half hour, a dance in a fur coat done by yours truly, I snap back to reality and say we got. to. go. NOW.  I was over it, I was creeped out to the max and we are still sans DVD player.

Luckily, or so I thought, there were 2, count em, 2 thrift stores attached to this "marketplace."  Coincidence, I think not.  Now, because my creeped out o'meter was at its tipping point, we were in these stores for a grand total of 5 minutes before I called an end to our misery. 

Still no DVD player.

So then we do what any red blooded Americans would do, we stop at Jack in the Box, get a fountain soda, and head to Walmart.  Hell, if we can't find one at a thrift store, we sure as hell can find a cheap one at Walmart.

We reached a new dimension of creepy in the Walmart parking lot. 

Joey was screaming, per usual.  And we noticed he needed to be changed.  By noticed, I don't mean we thought oh, its been awhile and he's cranky, he must need to be changed.  No, that would be too easy.  By noticed, I mean, we see his clothes are wet.  Shit, we are shitty parents and let our kid sit in pee forever, no wonder he's so pissed.  No problem, we're prepared.  So we take Joey's clothes off and realize we ARE the shittiest parents in the world because our kid wasn't sitting in pee, he was sitting in poop.  The wetness on his clothes was from poop juice.

Again, we're calm, we're collected, we got this.  So, we lay him in the back seat, get his clothes off and start wiping him down.  THEN my douchey kid, looks at me and smiles and starts pissing all over the backseat.  Of course.  Somehow finding the hilarity in all this I start uncontrollably laughing, all while holding my hand over Joeys junk to catch the pee.  Then it happens...I piss myself.  Not kidding.  My pee hole just gave out and I pissed. 

Thankfully Ricks pee hole is in good working condition, and he finishes cleaning Joey up while I work on cleaning myself up.  At this point I am still semi wet, Joey is all smiles and Rick can't believe the turn of events.  Trying to make me feel better Rick comments that half the people in Walmart have probably pissed themselves at least once today so its no big deal, and we enter the store.

We finally got our DVD player.  3 hours, lots of pee/poop and a million laughs later. 

We also ended up with a ton of books for Joey, and some sweet shades....



On our way home Rick said he understands now why we never leave the house.  "Creepy Sunday," was successful, and now we never have to go anywhere ever again.  Thank God.

2 comments:

  1. I almost pissed myself reading this. Cracked me up! I love your blog and reading about your lives!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Effing HILARIOUS. This is what memories are made of:)

    ReplyDelete