Thursday, May 19, 2011

WARNING: Extremely personal and a bit frightening

I got a phone call today that I just can't shake.  A very personal and somewhat intimate situation that while probably extremely inappropriate to broadcast, has me on edge...so I share, and warning, this is personal.

A series of events (don't ask, long story, the end) had me at the doctors office getting my hormone levels and ovaries checked out.  This was 10 days ago, today I get the results.  The nurse (over the phone) tells me the normal range of things and then reads me my numbers and promptly asks if I have completed my family or plan to really soon. 

WHAT!? 

I just had a baby, and if the past is any indicator of future performance, I don't think I should have any problem getting pregnant.  Not so, said the nurse.  She went so far as to say she was shocked I've ever been pregnant.  Really?!  Really!?  She then went on to explain random ovary failure, pre menopause, infertility...blah blah blah. 

I'm shocked.  I had zero issue getting pregnant.  Never even tried to get pregnant (sorry Joe, you're a love child), and now this woman is talking to me about possibly never being able to get pregnant again and advising to seriously start thinking about "completing my family." 

Stress. 

I want another baby.  I NEED another baby, but I desperately need this baby in about 3 years.  Not now, not today, not anytime soon.  And now I have this thought in my head that I might not get that. 

Could I be happy or feel complete with just Joey?  That's a horrible thought right!?  Because, the answer, I feel, would be no.  Happy, of course, complete, definitely no.  It never crossed my mind that we would have just one baby.  I always thought there would be at least 2 or maybe even 3.  What if I can't have that. 

Add this to the list of "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong for us."  Its getting to be a really long list 

And, bless his freaking heart, Ricks response to this news "so this means I have super sperm right, and that's why we have Joey?"

Yes, Rick, you have super sperm. 

4 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog rather enviously. It's been tricky to explain to my fiancé that I don't just want kids, I need them. It's a constant, dull (and occasionally sharp and painful) knowledge. I need to have a baby. Soonish, please. He also has a hard time grasping that kids don't just happen. Sometimes they're the happiest of accidents, sometimes no amount of luck can help.

    I can't imagine how hard your news must be to grapple with- and I can't say that I have any fabulous advice. But, I can relate to that panicky feeling, and I'm wishing you the best.

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  2. Thank you! It's just a weird feeling. I think we spend our whole lives with this imagination of children and being a mommy and never really think that what we imagine might not happen. I am so thankful for what I have but this definitely threw me for a loop! BTW, your blog is amazing!! You are so amazingly creative!

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  3. Wow. I hope it all turns out ok Sarah.

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  4. After having my son and then 2 miscarriages, I was told the same news and I was crushed and then devastated and then I accepted the gift of my one perfect kiddo and then...http://mentalchew.blogspot.com/2011/03/back.html.

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