Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The path of destruction

Warning, this will be a bitching and moaning type post.

Not only has that god damn virus made me a complete basket case (note: prescription for Klonopin) but it has also completely screwed up our super freaking awesome schedule! 

It also made my baby a freak.  He cuddles now!  And not just a "oh this feels really sweet we can do this for a minute" cuddle.  No, he wants the "sleep with me and be the big spoon and hold me tight" cuddle.

So.tired.

I know, I'm a horrible bitch.  My son just went through this horrible ordeal and we overcame an amazing amount of stress and dysfunction; can't you just be happy he is well!?

Yes.  I'm am not that crappy of a person. 

I am completely overjoyed and blessed that he is better.  But, I am exhausted. 

I spend all day worrying he is going to die.  I then go home and worry he is going to die in front of my eyes.  Then we put him down to sleep and I worry he is going to have a seizure in his room and die and we will walk into a dead baby in the morning. 

Then I take my crazy pills and hope to get some rest. 

Then he wakes up at 3 and wants to cuddle and rub his face on blankets.  The very blankets that happen to be laying over you, who is laying on the floor of either his bedroom or the living room.  So at 3 in the morning you have a 27 pound baby rolling around all over you and poking you in the face to see if your eyes are open.

I want life pre-worst night of my life. 

Now.

Fuck you febrile seizures and everything you destroy in your path.

I'll get better rest before I try to write again

....and I didn't even go into the hitting thing we have going on. 

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