Do you ever do that thing where you drown out all the noise around you, look around, and wonder how in the world it is you got to be where you are?! Or, rather, simply take notice of what is going on around you.
I had such a moment the other day. Two actually.
It was a random night after work. Joey was probably licking something weird or torturing Phoebe, and Rick and I were sitting in the living room staring blankly at the tv. And I stopped and took notice of everything around me and I honestly can't believe where I am. I have a loving partner (not fiancé, and he doesn't like the word boyfriend, so we go with partner...its an issue) that I never thought I would have, or deserved, and an almost 1 year old who, as of yesterday can say mama, and who is so so close to walking. How in the world did this happen!? I have an almost 1 year old!! This time last year I was very pregnant, we had just had Joey's baby shower and I was consuming 2 Big Mac meals at dinner time. Sorry Joey, you are made of Diet Pepsi and Big Macs. Now we are sitting together as a family watching Joey destroy, laugh, play, torture and baby babble. It was one of those moments where you become so aware and thankful for what you have and it felt good.
My next moment came at 3 in the morning and it didn't feel so good.
Joey's breathing decided it wanted to torture me at 3 a.m., by way of baby monitor. The damn thing is voice activated and must have been going off for close to 2 hours with the sounds of him breathing and snoring. I finally had to scream at Rick to turn it off. Which he did, and then promptly fell back asleep, and I of course just laid there. And, as I stared blankly at the dark ceiling and listened to the sound of both my boys breathing and snoring, and Phoebe of course was annoying the crap out of me too, I thought to myself "how in the hell did I get here." Who's baby wakes them up with snoring and breathing and who the hell can sleep through this crap (Rick!).
That moment did not leave me with the same feeling the first did. So, with that, we have decided to go to the doctor to try and see what's wrong with Joey. In a weird way I think that 3 a.m. moment was the cosmos way of slapping me right in the face and telling me what I needed to do.
So we go, October 5th at 9 and 11 am. 2 appointments, 2 x-rays and no eating 3 hours before the first appointment. Lord help me.