We are at a low.
And we are shitty parents because we have lost it.
I did the unthinkable last night. The very thing I have consistently said I am dead against. The very thing that makes me cringe when I think about other people doing it. The very thing I have judged many a mom for doing...
I let my baby cry last night.
Scream, in fact.
For a good 20 minutes.
We plain and simply cannot do what we have been doing any more. It doesn't make sense. Our child is tired, we are tired and our house is a disaster. There is a makeshift bed on the floor of every room in our house.
THAT IS NOT NORMAL.
Joey went down around 9:00 and woke up screaming at 11. He did not need anything. He did not require a change of clothes, a bottle or a blanket. He had a nice clean diaper, his baba was in bed with him (full of water, not milk, give me a break) and he had plenty of blankets and his own personal heater on in his room. He wanted to snuggle.
Now, snuggling is fine. Except for the fact that Rick and I work every single day. I understand there are things that are extremely important with the whole skin to skin cuddle connection stuff. But people also need to understand that we will be homeless if I don't go to work every day. And having a home trumps cuddling. In addition, he is 1. He got a whole years worth of cuddles and sleepless nights out of us.
So he screamed. From about 11 to 11:20.
And at 11:20 it stopped. It faded to a light whine and then to snoring.
Just like that.
Then came the screaming at 2 a.m..
And I went in and slept on his floor with him until morning.
The 20 minute test, while essentially in vain because of the aforementioned floor sleeping, did teach us something.
It is possible for him to get back to sleep without us. It is going to take an act of Zeus, but we will conquer this, we will get our routine back and if that means we are shitty parents, then so be it. At least I will be a well rested shitty parent.