Sunday, January 29, 2012

Complaining again...

You know the old adage "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

That's us.

I created this blog in an attempt to keep distant relatives in the know and on board with all things Joey.  I wanted them to see him as much as possible and follow his development even though they might not get to see it first hand.

It has also served as a place for me to get it all out.  Let my mommy flag fly and talk about stuff I didn't think a lot of moms were talking about.  Like not liking your kid all the time.  Or mommy guilt, difficult babies, medical crap, overbearing grandmas, etc...

But, while reading previous posts I get the "whiny" mom vibe.  I think I sound like a mom who complains 24/7 about her kid.  Always complacent, always some blown out of proportion issue or some b.s. poor me, I'm a mom crap.  And that is absolutely not what I want to do and not what I want Joey to look back on and read when he is in high school and wants to know how he grew up.

Unfortunately the reality of the situation is things sucks right now.  We are struggling as a family, as parents and as individuals.  Our equilibrium is all sorts of messed up and we are fighting like crazy to get back to "normal."  And unfortunately that's just the way it is.

So at the risk of sounding like a whiny bitch, here goes....

Joey cries.  All the time.  From the time we get him in the house at night to the time he goes to bed, he cries.

Joey's blood tests STILL aren't normal.  Liver function is remarkably better, but still not normal.  And now we see moderate atypical lymphocytes.  Basically virus fighting lymphocytes are still present and flowing through his system which indicates he is still "sick."

Joey now hates the doctor.  Dr. Richter called and said he is very hesitant to do any more medical interventions because he saw a dramatic change in his demeanor during his last visit.

We are struggling with the thought and intuition that something is seriously wrong with Joey but not wanting to fight for that or accept that.

We question our ideals, our parenting strategy and our choices in life on a daily basis and we are exhausted. We always expected Joey to be a difficult baby but we didn't expect a years worth of struggle.  We didn't expect to be this broken this early in.

So, that's it.  We are exhausted, we are on round 5 of illness and not completely over the seizure and we're constantly trying to strategize the best parenting move possible.

We have another appointment with our ped on Wednesday.  He asked that Rick and I both be there so we can take a full circle approach to Joey's behavior and potential sickness/illnesses.  Lets look at the numbers, see what the tests indicate and lets listen to what we see in our child on a daily basis.  At the very least we can be thankful we have a doctor that understands the importance of us saying "I don't care what the tests say, something just isn't right with our child."

Sorry for the doom and gloom.  There is a lot of great developmental things going on with him that I promise to fill you in on, but currently this is our big Joey thing.


3 comments:

  1. True friends are there for the downs as well as the ups. No apologies. Just be beautiful like you already are. Everything is going to be alright.

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  2. when i write "negative" ahhem, honest blogs about my kids, it does cross my mind that one day they will be able to read and they will read my blog. and to that i say good!! i think through our relationship and our daily lives our children will know they are loved and then when they read the honest things we've written they will know how much damn sacrifice we put in and that they should NOT have kids until they are much, much older haha :) i appreciate your honesty. i don't think many mothers will admit all the bad stuff. and i'm sorry for joey's health issue - i sincerely hope he gets better.

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  3. Hang in there! I love following your family's journey on here, and am so glad that you blog, Sarah! You are very real, and that's why you're one of my favorites to read!!!!

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